I’ve been reading a lot of articles recently about mothers coping with life (single or married), and general “here’s how I survive the week” or “focus on the essentials to get by” type articles. I do like them, often there are good types but on the whole they are generally self congratulatory and I’m sure in reality only are working for the authors some times. And of course, don’t get me started on how dads are the sidekick or help make things worse in these.
Personally, I can say with honesty I’m failing at keeping my shit together at the moment. As you may know from reading my posts, I do a lot of prep work, and try to organise my time and household in smart ways. That doesn’t change the fact that there is only so many straws that poor camels back can take before it breaks. It IS ok to not cope, and I think it’s important to be able to express it, because the first step to fixing something is acknowledging there is a problem.
I am lucky enough my fiancé loves me as much as she does, and deals with my kaleidoscope of moods as I struggle to cope with everything, as I lose it because the tyre pressure light came on in the car – because too many goddamn things have gone wrong lately and no matter how hard we try it feels like when you put on cheap ass bandaids and then wash your hands and they come right off. You just want to swear – a lot.
I spent a lot of time today thinking about if I should or need to seek professional help, perhaps use my employee assistance program at work, or even get some anger management counselling. But shit, is it so wrong that I’m not coping that great? Am I not allowed to feel bad because things are tough all round? I don’t think I need my feelings validated or explained away. I need solutions and that means to keep on truckin’ (or in this case – keep working on solutions for each and every issue as they come).
Can I do less around the house and with the kids like a lot of these articles suggest? Sure. Will I? Probably not. In a very popeye way – I am who I am. I need to have a clean house, for the kids to have what they need in terms of an involved and attentive parent, for good healthy food to make it to the table at night. These are my core basics I need to feel like I’m winning at life in some way. Yep, I need to find some things to back off of, and I’m trying. That being said, I need to allow myself to feel shitty, overwhelmed and hard done by, without wallowing in it. Live it, acknowledge it and try to fix shit.
Most of all I can’t lose sight of the wonderful idiot woman who loves me for some stupid reason, and those amazing kids who forgive me my hulk smash (not literally) moments. Forgetting all the bad crap at the moment I am one blessed DAD.